Thursday morning my mood was no better. In fact, it was worse. A bit dark and fatalistic. I kept my attitude and dark remarks to myself. I wanted to joke about death, but really didn’t know anyone with whom I could share these feelings. Someone who would understand it was a mood that needed to be released from the deep, dank and dark prison where it resided. Don’t we all have moments like this? Moments where the scales tip so that the peace of death seems preferable to the stress of living?  

And then a coworker messaged me. John was someone who would understand the deep feelings of giving up and not take them personally. He gets that there are feelings that run deep like the stream in the damp spooky forest. And he is very good at allowing people to be themselves and feel their feelings while he listens and remains detached. A skill found in a good counselor. So, I was able to express some of my feelings of despair and doom to him in short form. I felt like giving up. Not surrendering, but giving up. I was able to joke about death, doom and despair. And subsequently, I was able to let in the light that vanquished the dark.

Around lunch time, I picked up my cell phone to find something. Then I blinked. What was I looking for? But I kept scrolling through Facebook. Which is funny because I don’t “do” Facebook. “What was I doing on Facebook?” I asked myself as I scrolled down my feed.

“What am I looking for?,” I wondered. 

Then I saw an “Ad” for something and someone I had never seen on Facebook. But I had read her book, so I knew who she was. Dr. Veronique Desaulniers was advertising a cancer retreat in Cancun, Mexico, in conjunction with the Hope 4 Cancer Clinic. Hmm. Interesting. Thank you God. I found what you sent me to look for.

Dr. Desaulniers also wrote a book called Heal Breast Cancer Naturally: 7 Essential Steps to Beating Breast Cancer. You can read my review of that book here.