“Susan, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone else,” said Patti. And I got tears in my eyes immediately. 

This comment was in response to my question, “what do you see in me that I can’t see in myself?” She said that I am extremely goal centered and that I always achieve the things that I set out to achieve. Although that isn’t a bad trait, she continued, sometimes it seems as if I am driven to achieve, and I don’t need to prove anything to anyone.

What am I trying to prove? I am trying to prove that I am worthy of a love that has been withheld. When you have a parent that doesn’t give love freely, you try to earn that love any way you can. It becomes a subconscious behavior that plays constantly. 

I am very competitive. But Patti noted that I am only competitive with myself, as if I am trying to prove things to myself. And competition encourages the adrenals to engage as if I am under stress. It causes a certain amount of tension in my body. I am trying to get rid of tension. I don’t need any more. 

So my mantra today, and as long as it takes, is, “I don’t have to prove anything.”