I have struggled with journaling, writing, blogging – basically anything that has to do with me writing this book. I can feel myself choosing to do other things. I can feel myself choosing to waste time. 

Today it all came to a head.

Knowing that I was avoiding creating a website and knowing that I didn’t want to call my boyfriend, I made myself call him. We settled on a website name, I purchased it through a web hosting site and the stress in my body increased tenfold. So I walked away and wasted an hour.

Feeling the tension in my body and realizing that it wasn’t going away, I decided to face it, with the help of a support partner (see appendix).

Within 20 minutes, it was nailed down. I am afraid to be vulnerable in a book or on a website. She used the word, my word, surrender. 

Surrender to the fear of being vulnerable. Now it is my turn to face the origin of this fear. My childhood: when no weakness or fear was allowed lest it be used against you. Oh, and it was used against you. The raw spots are there to prove it. The power in surrender will allow me to feel, which will allow me to heal.  Love to me, from ME.