In approximately the summer of 2017, Melissa got some tattoos from Conscious Ink. (www.consciousink.com) She showed them to me. Really cool. She even let me pick one out. Out of about 10 different words or sayings, I chose the one that said Surrender. At the time, I couldn’t say why I chose that tattoo. I didn’t place it on my skin for quite a while. In fact, it took me quite some time to understand the significance of SURRENDER. 

During the Landmark session , I think it was “Recreating Yourself”, I got mad at Regina for something that she said – it was sort of an aside comment to a question I asked, but there was not time to delve into her response for several days. (We were in the middle of a session and my question was prompted by something our group leader said.)

When I went back and thought about what she said, I realized that I was trying to rush my healing. That I put a time limit on myself and that time limit caused me to be frustrated; thereby blocking my healing. That being said, entry in Landmark book dated 2/8/2018 mentions that I finally go what it meant to Surrender. What I failed to journal at the time was a visualization that I had:

I was in the water, probably the Gulf of Mexico, and I was caught in a riptide. I was fighting the current and becoming exhausted. I knew that if I kept fighting, I would kill myself. The knowledge that I must surrender to the current rose up in my being like a tidal wave.Even though it seems counter intuitive, and it is completely against my nature, I felt the TRUTH in surrender.  So, I stopped fighting.

Once I stopped fighting, I relaxed. Once I relaxed, I started to float. Once I started to float, I looked at my beautiful surroundings while the current pulled me away from the shore. Part of me was nervous getting so far from the shore, which I related to safety. When I got nervous I felt my muscles tense up and my body started to sink. I quickly relaxed again. An overwhelming sense of peace came over me like the sun rising on the ocean. Floating feels so good. I allowed myself to enjoy floating; to enjoy the journey. I experienced the bob of the water, the warmth of the sun, the chill of the wind, and quiet. I forgot about the shore. I was secure knowing that when the rip tide released me, I will be able to easily swim to shore. 

Surrender to my journey. This is where peace resides.